Scene 1
Countess, the grandmother, countess, the granddaughter lead by their footman.
Footman
The coach of Khryumina!
Countess, the granddaughter
(while being wrapped up)
Oh, what a ball!
This Famusov! The kind of guests he called!
Some ugly creatures from the other world!
No one to talk to or to dance with. Not a soul!
Countess, the grandmother
I'm tired, darling, let's get under way.
I'll go to grass straight from the ball some day.
(Both exit the house)

Scene 2

Platon Mikhailovich and Natalia Dmitriyevna. One footman is bustling around, another shouts from the porch:
The coach of Gorich!
Natalia Dmitriyevna
Oh my life, my soul,
My precious one, oh, why are you so sad?
(kisses her husband on the forehead)
You had some fun at Famusov's, I'm sure you had!
Platon Mikhailovitch
I don't like parties but I'm all yours,
And I obey you just because
I want to please you, I just sit
Keeping my vigils. On hearing commands,
However sad, I go to dance.
Natalia Dmitriyevna
You make pretence, you're not good at it;
You want to be reputed to be old
Unable to activity.
(Exits accompanied by the footman)
Platon Mikhailovitch
(speaking coldly)
There's nothing bad about a ball,
It pains to be in captivity;
Nobody forces us to marry!
For some it is a predetermined thing...
The footman
The mistress! She's waiting in the coach. She's angry.
Platon Mikhailovitch
(with a sigh)
All right, all right, I'm coming.
(Exits)

Scene 3

Chatsky and the Footman accompanying him.
Chatsky
Tell them to bring the coach immediately.
(The footman exits)
The day has passed and with the day
The hazes and illusions are away;
The haze of hope that filled my soul up until recently.
What did I hope to find here after a long absence?
Where is the beauty of encounters and people's sympathy,
Those cheers, greetings, hugging -- nonsense!
When you are ridding on a coach you see
Vast, boundless plain before you.
Everything's lively, light and blue,
And there is always something new,
You drive an hour, two, a day and then
You reach a stopping place for rest, you look around
And see the same deserted plain.
It makes me sad to think about it.
(The footman comes back)
Ready?
The footman
Well, the coachman is out of sight.
Chatsky
You go and look for him, we cannot stay here for night.
(The footman goes out again )

Scene 4

Chatsky, Repetilov (the latter runs into the hall from the porch, falls down and puts himself straight hurriedly)
Repetilov
God damn it! Oh my Lord!
My eyes! Where are you from, my friend?
Mon Cher! My dear friend! Just from abroad?
They used to be so critical of me. They said
I was a chatterer a man of superstitions,
That I indulged in premonitions.
Just now -- how do you account for that? --
I stumbled in the doorway and fell flat.
I hurried here as if I knew
That I was going to see you.
Make fun of me, and say that I,
As always, want to tell a lie.
For you I feel affection of some kind,
A kind of ailment passion and ...
I bet my soul, you'll never find
Another friend
So true to you! Upon my life!
I do not care, if I lose my wife,
My children, or I'm left alone
In the whole wide world, all on my own.
I do not care if I live or die...
Chatsky
Stop talking nonsense! And don't lie!
Repetilov
It's natural that you should hate me,
I find it easy to talk to other people.
With you I always seem to be
So humble, miserable, stupid, simple.
Chatsky
Or what a queer self abasement!
Repetilov
Do scold me! I'm far from being complacent,
And when I think about the way
I used to idle... Say, what's the time now?
Chatsky
Since you are here for the ball you may
Go home. It will be over in an hour.
Repetilov
The ball? Where we are bound
By the decorum, and where we cannot break away
From a heavy burden? Have you read the book about?..
Chatsky
And have you read it? Say,
You, Repetilov? Tell me really.
Repetilov
Call me a vandal! I deserve it, that is.
I highly valued people that were silly,
And all my life I raved about balls and parties,
I would forget my children and my wife.
I'd play and lose, they put me in a ward,
I kept a dancer. One was not enough,
But I had three of them. My God!
I drank like mad! I wouldn't sleep nine days on end, oh my!
I denied everything: the law and honour and belief!
Chatsky
I say! You ought to know the limits when you lie!
There's a reason to be filled with grief.
Repetilov
You may congratulate me for I know
Most clever people now. I'm not bored any more.
Chatsky
Do you feel bored tonight?
Repetilov
Not just tonight. Do you know where I was?
Chatsky
Well, I suppose,
You were in a club.
Repetilov
That's right.
The English Club, and, frankly speaking,
I'm now straight from a noisy meeting.
I promised them to hold my tongue. So mums the word, agreed?
We have a circle. A society. And that's a secret.
We have our sessions Thursdays, see?
Chatsky
My dear friend, you scare me.
Where is it? In the Club?
Repetilov
Oh yes.
Chatsky
There are extraordinary measures
About chucking all of you with all your secrets out.
Repetilov
You needn't be afraid. We talk aloud
But nobody can make anything out.
Me too, when hearing people talk about prison cells and juries,
About Byron and that stuff, I just get curious,
I listen carefully, and it's a pity
I don't get anything for my stupidity,
Ah Alexander, we've been missing you.
Now listen, dear, I should ask you to
Do me a favour, let's go there now,
I'll introduce you, if you allow,
To such nice people! They're not like me, to tell the truth,
They're so wonderful. The cream of youth!
Chatsky
I do not care for them, nor you. Where shall I go?
Why should I? In the dead of night? Well, no.
Repetilov
Come on! Who is asleep now? Why hesitate?
Let's go! The people there are just great!
A dozen of daring hot heads,
But when we talk you'd think we're hundreds.
Chatsky
Why be so frantic? What's the goal?
Repetilov
We make a noise, my brother.
Chatsky
Noise? Well, is that all?
Repetilov
This isn't time and place for explanation,
It is a state affair in a way,
Though it is not an urgent situation,
Such things are not done in a day.
What kind of people are they? Well, here's my story:
There is for instance count Grigory,
A queer man, he is great fun,
Has all the makings of an Englishman,
His hair is always in good trim.
Are you familiar? You ought to meet him,
There's another man. He's Yevdokim Vorkulov.
You should have heard him sing! His voice is such a love!
There is a song he sings, you know?:
'Ah! Non lashiar me, no, no, no.'
There are two men, Levon and Borya, they're brothers,
Nice people. Just like all the others.
There isn'tmuch to say about these two,
But I can name our genius, if you want me to,
It is Udushyev Ippolit Martynych.
Have you read much of him? At least an inch.
I recommend you. Though he doesn't seem
To write anything now. If I were to decide,
I'd whip him with a rod repeating: 'Write, write, write';
You'll find an extract in a journal, by the way,
It's called 'A Point Of View And Something'".
What is it all about? Everything.
He knows everything. We save him for an evil day.
Our leader is like no one else in our Russian land,
I needn't give his name, you will understand.
A night-time robber and a duel fan,
He was in exile in Kamchatka, no surprise,
From there he returned an Aleutian man.
He's a rogue: with clever men it can't be otherwise,
But when he, filled with frenzied inspiration,
Starts holding forth on honesty
He reddens ridden with obsession
And bursts out crying. So do we.
Such are the people, they are really a rarity
I'm one of them. I'm a mediocrity,
I'm lazy, not so well advanced. It's awful!
But when I set to work straining my mind
I sit an hour like a fool
And bear out a pun of a kind,
Some people find my thought amusing
And putting half a dozen heads together
Make up a sketch, another six compose the music,
Still other six will clap their hands,
They're birds of a feather.
You are laughing, man,
But that's the way it is,
I'm not endowed by God with capabilities
But I'm kind. That's why they like me.
They pardon me when I tell lies...
The footman
(standing at the porch)
The coach of Skalozub!
Repetilov
Who's coach you said?

Scene 5

The same people and Skalozub. He comes down the stairs.
Repetilov
(stepping towards him)
Ah Skalozub, my dear friend!
Wait, wait. Don't go away.
(Hugging him.)
Chatsky
Where shall I go?
(goes into the porters’ lodge)
Repetilov
I haven't heard of you since long ago.
You've joined a regiment, they say.
Are you familiar?
(Looking around to see Chatsky.)
The stubborn man. He's gone.
You are the one
Whom I was looking for? Let's go with me.
There are a lot of people at Grigory's
About forty of us, you will see.
A bunch of wit, that's what it is.
They'll talk all night without getting tired.
First they will treat you to campaign up to the chin,
Then they will teach you something you and I
Would never think of, or imagine.
Skalozub
Man, you won't have it on me with erudition.
Tell someone else. And if you wish, then
A sergeant from my regiment will serve
As a Voltaire to your Grigory and yourself.
He'll get you into ranks of three
And if you say a word, he'll calm you down quickly.
Repetilov
Well, service is the only thing you want to know.
I, too, should strive for ranks, but I'm
A failure. I miscarried years ago,
I was in civil service at the time,
Baron von Klotz had an ambition
To get a minister's position.
And I
Had an eye
To be his son in law,
I made no bones about it.
His wife and he
Played cards with me.
I lost tremendous sums of money,
I built a house in Fontanka street,
The place where the Baron lived.
A house with columns. Huge! So costly!
I married their daughter finally.
Did I get dowry! Hell! No! And no promotions.
The son of law of a German. There was no use.
He was afraid of rumours and reproaches
For being biased to his relatives,
The deuce!
His secretaries! The miserable riff-raff!
The wretched scribblers! They are important now.
They've got on in the world, and how!
Look in the calendar: the ranks, the crosses and the service.
Lakhmotyev Alexey was really clever to suggest;
We need most drastic remedies
For our stomachs won't digest.
(stops talking, seeing that Zagoretsky has taken Skalozub's place, who left the house by then)

Scene 6

Repetilov, Zagoretsky
Zagoretsky
Go on. Go on. To be sincere,
I'm as liberal as you.
I'm straight, I speak without fear,
That's why I've lost so much. I've got my due.
Repetilov
(with regret)
All are apart! And all keep mute!
If someone leaves, the other follows suit.
First Chatsky vanished, then the colonel did.
Zagoretsky
What do you think of Chatsky?
Repetilov
He's man of wit.
I met him now, there was a chat
About a vaudeville and that;
I liked the talk though nobody talked sense.
Chatsky and I... We are good friends.
Zagoretsky
And did you notice that
He's sort of mad?
Repetilov
It's rubbish!
Zagoretsky
Everybody says so.
Repetilov
No, it's a lie!
Zagoretsky
Ask people.
Repetilov
No.
Zagoretsky
Oh there they come: the count, the countess
And their daughters.
Repetilov
Staff and nonsense, that is.

Scene 7

Repetilov, Zagoretsky, the count and the countess with their six daughters; a little later Khlyostova comes down the front stair. Molchalin holds her by the hand, the footmen fuss about.
Zagoretsky
Now, ladies, tell me, if you please,
Is Chatsky mad?
1st countess
No doubt, he is.
2nd countess
Well, anyone will tell you that.
3rd countess
The Dryanskys, the Varlyanskys,
The Khvorovs, the Skatchkovs.
4th countess
It isn't new for everybody knows.
5th countess
Who doubts then?
Zagoretsky
This here man does not believe.
6th countess
You!
All together
Messeur Repetilov! You! Messeur Repetilov is it true?
How can you be against us all?
Why should you? Don't feel ashamed at all?
Repetilov
(shuts his ears)
I didn't know it was so open, sorry.
The countess
He is a dangerous man,
Don't listen to his story.
It is about time to lock him in,
I think he's a Jacobine.
To listen to him he is wittier
Than anyone on earth, even duke Peter.
Your Chatsky!!!... Come along, count, you take Kate
Or Zizzie with you. Are we six or seven?
Khlyostova
(from the stair)
The cards. You didn't pay the debt.
Countess
I owe you.
Everybody
(to one another)
Far you well.
(The family departs, so does Zagoretsky.)

Scene 8

Repetilov, Khlyostova, Molchalin.
Repetilov
Good heaven!
Anfisa Nilovna! Oh poor Chatsky! There!
Who needs your wisdom and your care?
And what's the use of going out of one's way?
Khlyostova
It is God's wish. Anyway
He will be treated. Maybe cured in the end.
While you're quite incurable, my friend,
What on earth made you come round?
Molchalin, you don't try to please me,
Don't see me out.
Goodbye! It's time to come to reason.
(Molchalin goes into his room. She departs.)

Scene 9

Repetilov and his footman.
Repetilov
It's coming to the break of day.
Where shall I go to now? Yes, where?
Come, put me in the cab. Take me away.
Take me just anywhere.
(departs)

Scene 10

The last light goes down.
Chatsky
(comes out of the footman's room)
What's that? I can't believe my ears!
It isn't fun. It's evil, it appears.
How come? As if by miracle or majesty
They all talk nonsense about me!
For some it's like a funny trick,
While others seem quite sympathetic...
Who was the first to spin the yarn?!
Somebody raised a noise -- no sooner said than done --
And there you have public opinion.
Does Sofia know it? They have told her, yes.
Not that she meant to spite me -- no!
She doesn't care if it's me or someone else,
She had some fun and doesn't want to know,
She doesn't care for anyone -- for me or him.
Why did she faint then, God only knows.
Is it her shattered nerves or is it just a whim
That comes and goes?
I thought it was a sign of passion -- I was wrong.
She would have broken down just as well
If she had seen someone step on
A pussy's or a puppy's tail.
Sofia
(above the stair, candle in hand)
It's you, Molchalin?
(closes the door quickly)
Chatsky
It's Sofia! Oh, yes, I see her!
Good Lord! My head's burning and my blood begins to stir.
She has turned up, or is it just dreams?
I'm out of my mind, it seems.
I'm used to mysteries and I
Should not deceive myself, should I?
This time it's not a vision, it's a date.
She called Molchalin, so I'd rather wait.
His footman
(from the porch)
The cab... You need...
Chatsky
Hush.
(Pushes him out)
I'll stay and keep an eye on it
Till morning. Once I am to drain a cup of woe
Let it be so.
Let it be now, not afterwards. For a delay
Won't save me anyway.
The door is opening.
(hides himself behind a column)

Scene 11

Chatsky is hidden. Lizzie, candle in hand.
Lizzie
Good heaven! I'm filled with fear
My torturer, the lady... sent me here.
Black night! The empty hall!
I'm scared of ghosts. Or any living soul.
This Chatsky, he is like an eye sore.
She says she saw him down on this floor.
(Looks around)
A lot he cares about walking around!
By now he's surely got out!
He put his love off for another day, I bet!
He hurried home and -- straight to bed.
But I must call him anyway.
(knocks at Molchalin door)
Wake up! Will you wake up! I say!
The lady calls you, do you hear?
Be quick, you must get through unseen.

Scene 12
Chatsky is behind the column, Lizzie, Molchalin (stretches his arms and yawns), Sofia (sneaks down the stair).
Lizzie
You, sir, you heart of stone, thick skin!
Molchalin
Ah Lizzie! Who sent you over here?
Lizzie
The lady.
Molchalin
There's one thing I'm thinking of:
These cheeks, these veins and all
Have not yet seen the flush of love.
What makes you want to be at beck and call?
Lizzie
You suitors shouldn't stay in bed
Idling away your time and lazing,
For handsome is who doesn't get
Enough of sleep before the wedding.
Molchalin
The wedding? Whom with?
Lizzie
With the lady.
Molchalin
There's room for hope before the wedding.
Lizzie
But sir!
Is there any other fiancé?
Molchalin
Who knows? I'm scared to think
About one thing:
I'm afraid that Pavel Afanasiych may
Take us by surprise some day.
He'll curse me! Fire me! I'll be frank: you see,
Sofia has nothing to adore her for.
I wish her well. She will stop loving me,
Like she's not in love with Chatsky any more.
I wish I cared half as much for her
As I do care for you, my dear.
Alas, no matter how I try to stir
My feelings -- I cool down when I see Sofia.
Sofia
(aside)
Oh what a wicked man!
Chatsky
(from behind the column)
A scoundrel he is!
Lizzie
Aren't you ashamed?
Molchalin
My father taught me this:
I must please all and everyone --
The host of house I would live in,
The boss I'd work with and the man
That would keep my clothes clean,
The sweeper of the yard, and, just in case,
His dog to win its love and kindness.
Lizzie
They are all guardians of yours.
Molchalin
Now I pretend to be a lover
To please the daughter of one of those...
Lizzie
The one that feeds you, gives you cover?
Sometimes ranks, too?
Well, that will do.
Molchalin
Let's go. We've talked enough.
Let's share our sad girl's love.
Let me embrace you, most sincerely.
(Lizzie pushes him away)
I wish you were Sofia, really.
(He wants to go, but Sofia doesn't let him)
Sofia
(almost in a whisper. Talking is in a low voice during the whole scene)
Don't you come near. I have heard it!
You scoundrel! What a shame! Oh what a mistake.
Molchalin
Why Sofia Pavlovna...
Sofia
Don't say a word.
I can do anything. Don't talk, for goodness sake.
Molchalin
(falls down on his knees, Sofia pushes him away)
Remember please! Have mercy. Look and see!
Sofia
I don't remember anything. Forget me!
Molchalin
(grovels at her feet)
Have pity...
Sofia
Don't be mean. Get up. You wretched thing.
I don't want any answer. For I know
You'll tell a lie again...
Molchalin
Have mercy...
Sofia
No. No. No.
Molchalin
I said it just for fun... don't make a fuss...
Sofia
You'd better now leave me alone
Or else I'll wake up everyone,
And I don't care, if I ruin both of us.
(Molchalin raises)
I wish that I had never known you.
Do not expect me to complain, reproach or cry.
Get out of the house so that I
Might never hear of you again.
Molchalin
Well, as you wish.
Sofia
Or else
I'll tell papa the truth. I'll get my due,
But I don't care about the consequence.
Now go! No, wait. You should be glad that you
Were more than shy
When you and I
Had dates at nights,
And even in the daytime
When everyone could see
You were dishonest, but not so saucy,
And I'm
Pleased to have discovered everything,
There's nothing
To reproach me of. There are no witnesses
Except when I lost consciousness.
Chatsky was here... no...
Chatsky
(comes up quickly between them)
Yes, you pretender!
Lizzie and Sofia
Oh! Oh!
(Lizzie drops the candle out of fright. Molchalin goes into his room.)

Scene 13

The same people, except Molchalin.
Chatsky
She's quick to faint. Now it can be justified,
There's a reason for it this time.
That is the answer for the riddle for I'm
Aware to whom I have been scarified!
I just restrained myself which wasn't wise,
I saw it -- I did not believe my eyes!
As for the sweetheart who has betrayed a friend
And has ignored a woman's fear and shame,
He's hidden now behind the door in an attempt
To shirk the answer. Oh this fortune's game!
Repudiated hurtful men! The scourge!
Molchalins are as pleased as Punch!
Sofia
(in tears)
Don't speak. It is my fault through and through,
But who could think he was so cunning!
Lizzie
There's a knock! A noise! People are coming!
The father will be grateful to you.

Scene 14

Chatsky, Sofia, Lizzie, Famusov, a crowd of footmen, candle in hand.
Famusov
Be quick! Be quick! Come here! Follow me!
Bring candles, lanterns, I can't see!
Where are the footmen? My! I see familiar faces!
My daughter Sofia Pavlovna! What a disgrace it is!
Where is she? Whom with?! Upon my life!
She's like her mother, my deceased wife.
My better half: each time I got away
She'd find a man to pass the time of day!
For heaven's sake! How did he win your heart?
Wasn't it you who called him mad?
I have been silly, blind. Oh my!
It is a plot. And all the guests and he
Were involved in that conspiracy.
Chatsky
(to Sofia)
So is it you whom I should thank for all this lie?
Famusov
No, brother, you're cheating, and I'll never let it pass.
I don't believe you, it's an invention of your own.
You, Filka, crazy stupid ass!
I made a doorman out of a lazy bone!
Whatever happens, he never knows!
Where were you? Where did you go?
Why did you not lock up the doors?
How come, you missed all this? How come, you didn't you know?
I'll send you to the farm, to work there in the fields.
About selling me you'd make no bones.
You, watchful girl! With your perpetual tricks;
That is the fruit of love of fashion shops and clothes!
You've learnt to pimp and pander lovers.
I'll put you right. I know what I can do.
Go feed the poultry! Move to the service-house!
My dear daughter, you, too, will get your due,
Have patience; my decision will be simple:
You will not live here in Moscow with the people.
In a day or two I'll send you off
To a God-forsaken place, your aunt's, near Saratov.
You'll pass the time there grieving,
Sitting tambour in hand, card-reading.
And I should ask you, Chatsky, this:
You will not visit her by any means,
With you I'll draw the line at this:
All doors will be locked up for you by all the families.
I'll do my best to make a din,
I'll make the whole of Moscow learn it.
I'll make it public, ring the tocsin,
I'll write the ministers, the sovereign and the Senate.
Chatsky
(after a short silence)
I try to come to reason, But I can't,
I listen but I do not understand.
As if I needed further explanation,
I'm at a loss... I'm in expectation...
(Passionately)
I'm blind! I wanted a reward
For all my efforts!... I just rushed along.
I hurried here for I thought
That happiness was close, but I was wrong.
The kind of a choice you've made. My goodness! You!
Just think of whom you have preferred me to!
Whom did I talk to, humbly, lovingly, today?
Why did I waste my words of tenderness in such a way?
Why did you inspire hope in me?
Why didn't you tell me openly
That you had turned the past to fun
And that your memories ignore
All we had felt and said and done?
I'm still feeling as before.
And neither travels nor diversions
Have killed my tenderest emotions.
I lived with them through thick and thin.
If you had told me that you hated everything:
My coming home, the way I talk,
The sight of me, the way I walk,
I should have broken off with you
And would not have tried of course,
To find out who your admirer was...
(With derision)
You'd better now put up with him.
What is the use of worrying?
Just make the most of him. Make him an errand boy,
A sort of a domestic envoy,
A husband and a page, a husband and a footman,
The dream of every Moscow gentleman.
Enough! I'm proud to have broken off with you.
And you, sir, you hold rank in reverence.
I wish that you remained in blissful ignorance:
The aim of marrying Sofia I don't pursue.
There'll be another, a well behaved one,
A toady and a business-minded man.
With all those merits and with many more
He'll make an equal to his father-in-law.
So I'm enlightened. You should realize:
The dreams are over, and the scales are off my eyes.
Now I can have a bitter word
With you that used to court her
And with the whole wide world.
Where do I find myself by evil fortunes?
How can I bear this crowd of torturers?
They ostracize me! Curse me! All those story tellers!
Betrayers of love and enemies as well as
Ungainly connoisseurs and cunning laymen,
Malicious aged men and women
That grow discreet living on lies.
You all have made me known as a fool.
You're right: he will get out of the fire who
After remaining a day with you,
And breathing air with people of your kind
Will not get out of his mind.
Away from Moscow! Catch me being here again!
I'll go around the world in search
Of a place with room for outraged feeling!..
The coach! The coach!
(Exits)

Scene 15

All except Chatsky.
Famusov
Well, he's off his head, you see?
Now tell me seriously:
What did this madman talk about here?
Calling me names! Talking of Moscow threateningly!
Do you intend to ruin me, my love?
Isn't my fate deplorable enough?
My goodness!
What will countess
Marya Aleksevna say to this?

THE END